Air Deccan - Simply Cry
My buddy started like this over phone.
“You know what!, It took me 7 hours to reach Coimbatore from Bangalore, Idiots!!
Me, innocently “Cool dude, 7 hours for 300 odd kms is ok da. You have made it in decent time.”
“Quick time? My foot! I took the flight man! Can you believe it?? My entire Saturday is gone. This damn thing was scheduled at 9:05 in the morning. Cheats!
It’s time these people wound up their business and started running buses from Virudhunagar to Madurai and learn punctuality from bus operators.”
Ouch! Apparently he had taken Air Deccan.
With AD, one would imagine the dialogue going on along these lines.
Passenger: “Excuse me, boarding pass for Flight number AD- 420”
AD staff: “Sorry sir, the flight has been delayed by 3 hours”
Passenger: “What? 3 hours ? Why?”
AD staff: “Some turbulence, Sir”
Passenger: “Turbulence? Where?
AD staff: “In the pilot’s tummy, Sir. He’s been having diarrhea”
Passenger: “Diarrhea? WTF? Why didn’t you inform me earlier?
AD Staff: “Oh! you are a doctor, Sir? Sorry we did not know that. We will tell him to meet you. In that case, Sir me too have some skin problems. It would not go with Itch Guard, Can you help?”
Passenger:“Doctor? Who? WTF, why did you not inform about the delay?
AD Staff: “As a policy, we wait till the turbulence gets over, Sir, be it in stomach or mid air. Actually, it’s a funny world sir. You can get turbulence in your tummy and you can also get diarrhea in mid-air. HaHaHa”
By which time, the passenger thinks about his messed up appointments and he would get his share of diarrhea.
Frankly, to hell with passengers of the kind mentioned above. These are the typical snobbish lot. “Born in London brought up in New York” types. Let them take Jet and languish in hell by being punctual. AD is India’s low cost airline and we only need to encourage such tribe.
I think it’s only that AD should position itself well and cater to a different set of customers. The following are some of the points that I sincerely think will lead AD to greater prosperity, on-time most of the time, more customer satisfaction and such other four-letter words.
1. The fundamental thing about AD is that they tell upfront that they are delayed before the passenger boards the flight, which annoys the passenger no end. Rather they can take cue from the vans which ply between Saidapet and Madipakkam. The van wallah, if you have ever noticed, will always keep the van on the move, but the van would hardly move! That is their trade secret. One small kid will keep the door half-open and would keep on shouting, “Vijayanagar 5 Rs Vijayanagar 5 Rs“. Likewise, Air Deccan can have the door half open and the aircraft can go round and round in the run way while some cute thing stands near the door and shouts “Bangalore 420 Rs, “Bangalore 420 Rs”. And I can close my eyes and imagine passengers running towards a moving flight in the runway!.
2. Fire all existing in-flight crew. Instead they can hire group dancers from Kollywood. For without doubt, these babes will be look much better. And they can also add value. Like how? They can provide in-flight entertainment. Imagine a group of girls dancing for “Rakkama Kayya thattu” and ‘Choli ke peeche kyaa he?” in mid-air. Who would resist such a spectacle?. To hell with punctuality. I can visualize executives saying,” Once more, please. Please don’t land.”
3. Replace the captains with Auto-drivers from Chennai. This would reduce cost. We can fix a ‘soodu vecha’ auto-meter in the cockpit and the drivers would be happy if they are paid accordingly. The auto-drivers have the knack to make up for shortage of time too. They drive their autos like jets in Mount Road. Such creativity should be encouraged by all means. So they should be given real jets for once. Anyway the ATRs that Air Deccan flies are nothing but glorified autos.
4. There should be standing tickets. Yep, just like standing in buses and trains. For one, this would help in increase revenue and another value add being, if at all the flight stops mid-air for problems in carburetors, we can anyway make a rough landing in some paddy fields and then ask the passengers to help tilt the plane in one direction, revert, restart the plane and go on till the next petrol bunk, just like we do for scooters and bikes. That’s another advantage of having ATRs.
5. They can enter into some contract with some Kai yendhi Bhavans and let them do the catering. People would be standing in Queue inside the aircraft for menus like ‘2 Idlies with ketti chutney, undiluted Sambhar and Chilli Podi for 5Rs, Kothu Barotta for 10Rs. and Kaakha Briyani for Rs.5 etc.
6. They can hire Abdul Hameed for their Ad campaigns and launch innovative schemes like 50% discount of their already 50% fares during the tamil month of Aadi. Abdul Hameed will proudly come on television and smile, ‘Aadi ku AD vera enna solla?” in his impeccable tamil.
All in all, what matters is some good flight experience for the traveling lot and some effective branding. Readers you are more than welcome to add your points. C’mon
let’s make AD a grand success.
Here’s another Air Deccan Horror Story
I think its only a matter of time before Air Deccan’s punctuality will be the butt of all jokes just like the Sardarji’s intelligence.
July 26th, 2006 at 12:06 am
PK
ROFTL sorry neenga serious ezuthi irukeenga anna sirikama irukkamudiyilai.
but thanks next time anga varumbpodhu i can avoic AD.
July 26th, 2006 at 2:04 am
@pk,
naa adla dhan 4 times delhi poitu vandhaen..and u know..they stop in banglore to pick up passanger from there..where u can see the so called frequent flyers having chat with the crew..abt their personal lifes( jollunu vaechikonga)..edhu ottukaekala..avlo sathama paesuvaanga..
appuram adhan 420 rs ennadhu…ad–420nu soldreengala..(char so beez)
July 26th, 2006 at 7:16 am
Niraiya kaasu kuduthu ithulai maatikarathu illiye. When you are ready to spend more you get a better airline. Is it good..or is it bad? You can manufacture in market in India products with very poor quality - To think of buying a hair clip of poor quality seems fine but not certainly going on an airline because only reason to take a flight would be to reach to place faster and with less hazzle. And people who take flights to get somewhere are not the poorest.
July 26th, 2006 at 7:17 am
Forget this part: Your article made me laugh especially imagining the people behind the flight and the kaiyendhi bhavans..
Intha bollywood dance analum too much.
July 26th, 2006 at 7:48 am
I wish they would run it more like buses that ply on mofussil routes. They could allow vendors who sell selling Thanni packets, murukku, vadai, velliri pinju etc. On buses these chaps usually jump off as the buses pick up speed.Slight problem there, but I have noticed lot of empty space in the ailes. Hotels that currently serve buses could develop small landing strips so that AD flights can help passengers empty their bladders. While sipping chai the passengers could stare at the covers of seedy magazines that newstands in such places usually have. When the flight is ready to take off yet another hysterical middle class Aathaa notices that Raasaa is missing …
July 26th, 2006 at 9:00 am
If this attitude of AD is because they charge less in comparison with other airlines, then its really really bad. I have heard many such stories from friends. Infact one of my friends who wanted to fly to Hyderabad urgently (he wanted to fly because it was urgent), declined to book in AD inspite of seats being available! U know why!!
July 26th, 2006 at 9:56 am
This post has been removed by the author.
July 26th, 2006 at 9:59 am
Reminds me of our trip to chennai by end of October last year.It was pouring and almost all the flights n trains have been cancelled.(Ours too when we have booked in the CST Mumbai-chennai Exp).To our surprise or rather shock we found that AirDeccan flight wasnt cancelled that day.But we all have heard enough stories abt AD so opted for a qualis from Pune to Chennai.Still people couldnt believe us that we travelled from Pune to chennai by qualis which was abt 21 hrs of hectic journey.But i still feel that was lot better and it would have been miserable if we would have taken AD as we heard later that it was put up at Bangalore itself and couldnt proceed due to bad weather conditions.The irony is those people could have very well cancelled the flight as the other airlines did instead they opted to take off and create hazzle to passengers in the midway.
July 26th, 2006 at 5:15 pm
Hey sorry yaar..but i laughed aloud with ur suggestions. this is the difference between the cheap flights in India and in europe. luckily i never travelled by AD>.
July 26th, 2006 at 8:52 pm
pk,
kaasuketha paniyaraam. AD apparently has flown past IA in marketshare it seems..
July 26th, 2006 at 9:03 pm
never flied with AD, but here are my tips to wipe off the bad marks on them.
a. Take a aerial photo when you fly and paste it in all the windows, by this you create a feeling to the passengers that they are actually flying.
I know many people who sleep when they see a motion ( vegamaa aduthavanga nadakarthaa paartha kooda ) with this method, AD can satisfy the people who belong to that sector.
b. This is easy and it’s practical too, they can simply change their system date and time nation wide - double clicking at the bottom right end in all their PC’s. It should be running atleast 12 hours ahead and they should follow that time, but we follow our time. this logic compensates for their delay. kooti kazhichu paarunga, kanaku sariyaa varum.
c. they can employ a conductor with bigil in his mouth, and act like they are clearing stage in the mid air. people will be convinced once the stage is cleared, they can fly quicker and they wont complaint.
d. this is a marketing trick to attract customers and AD can follow this to minimise the complaints.
give a Nayanthaara picture printed refreshing towels when they board the plane. people will imagine the rest themselves when they refresh.
keep changing the picture to asin, bavana,trisha,rasigaa periodically, this way people are ready to wait and board the plane, which will eventually minimise the complaints.
idea ilaatha pasanga.. vidunga p.k
;p
July 26th, 2006 at 11:54 pm
whew! Never knew this could happen so frequently like mentioned!!
And ROTFL about the post, only thing is it reflects the truth.
July 27th, 2006 at 9:27 am
didn’t know that things are this very bad with AD.
aping the low cost model from other countries is one thing.. strictly living up to the standard is another.
July 27th, 2006 at 2:56 pm
ganesh
dank u:)
simian,
4 times nee AD la poirkeena nee kooda frequent flyer dhaan.. Hm. now i know who has done the talking with crews:D
priyums,
nee oru dhadavai adhile try pannanum! You know what there are no seat numbers.. so unakku pidicha seat venumna u shud scamper to the aircraft.
See they bring out the child in you! and we criticise them. Ungrateful people!!
July 27th, 2006 at 2:59 pm
BNB,
ada ada neenga AD board of directors la iruka vendiya aalu..
yngal sevai avngalukku thevai… time waste pannadheenga. ASAP
Ravi,
indeed. my friend who has had enough wanted me to write abt this…
shobana,
21 hrs journey in car?.. u took part in a rally or what?:D
July 27th, 2006 at 3:01 pm
barbienan,
but u shud try this. this will make u appreciate the european airlines all the more:D
srikanth,
neeyum BNB kooda serndhu Board la oru seat kekkalaam
anon,
>>kaasuketha paniyaraam
ahaa age dhana neenga thapu panreenga. adhu paniyaaram illa, ALWA:)
chakra,
next time neenga adhile vandhu unga feeback a oru post podunga:D
July 27th, 2006 at 7:15 pm
Nice to hear about flight stories. It is good to know about cheap price flights but sad to know about the quality of service. Our people lack in service industry. Especially customer relationships. What is the point in talking about global competence when we are not even competent locally? Just like the local buses starting and showing off, our flights can keep going on small rounds on air, and show Bay of Bengal, Marina Beach and aerial view of chennai and come down to pick up the remaining passengers.
July 28th, 2006 at 12:06 am
too bad,
ennoda comment’ku reply pannave illa ….
Idhu partiality…
Naan inimel vara maatten intha pakkam, aamaam solli putten…
July 28th, 2006 at 8:15 am
ksprabhu
Sorry Dude.
sathiyama reply pannitomnu dhaan nenachen
cycle gap la miss ayiduchu
Balaji sir,
seri next time india varumbodhu endha airline use pannanumnu theriyum illa?
July 28th, 2006 at 8:45 am
hehehe hillarious - but ideas would be fun na :p
July 30th, 2006 at 4:49 am