Turbulent times ahead
Whenever i talk to people who have sons of marriageable age (this includes my mom too), i could not help but feel they live in their own sweet protected world and something far removed from reality. They visualise the present day world and its people as nothing more than an extension of the world that was during the late 70s and early 80s. Invariably that was the time when they themselves were at their prime.
Times are drastically different now.
Recently, my mom told me these incidents. And it was apparent she was more concerned than me.
Our neighbours and one of my friends both belong to the same community. Knowing this, my mom had asked our neighbour if any suitable alliance/horoscope is there for my buddy.
And this is what my neighbour has replied,”solren nu thappa nenaikadheenga, ippo laam yaarayum nambi reccomend panra madhiri illai.” and had went on to tell the story of her own relative.
The guy is 30-ish. very well educated. top notch IT professional, been in the US and all. His mom, like all other moms decided to get her son married. So she’d collected hundreds of horoscopes and had the all the girls’ horoscope, family background thoroughly vetted from all the angles as one would expect and had selected one girl whome she thought was ideal.
The marriage took place but there ends the happy news.
On the very next day of the marriage, the girl had apparently told the groom that this marriage was against her wishes and that she’s madly in love with some other person.
Soon, she managed to walk out in 3 months flat, went to her lover, and promptly delivered a child.
Spare a thought for the guy. He is well into 30+ age range, and now has a ‘divorcee’ tag to boot.
There was another bizzare incident where the girl, on getting married, realized she’s more in love with her brother-in-law (sister’s husband) and so runs away from the husband.
The third was even more unreal. One young girl hads visited an elderly houseowner for a flat near pallikaranai. She has somehow convinced the lady houseowner (who lived in velachery) with stories like she does not have a father, only earning member in the family, family problems and that she’s in chennai for find a job. On being asked why she is stayng alone without her mom, the girl had replied that her mom has to take care of her younger brother who is in school in her native.
The fact is - she has joined a call center job and wanted to freak out without anyone interfering or questioning. Some male colleagues had taken another house for rent in the same apartment complex. The kind of scene these people managed to create prompted the flat association to intimate the house owner about the happenings and the girl had to be chucked out.
And if you thought all this happened only with people from shady family backgrounds, all these are happening in one of the well-educated, orthodox, conservative families and communities.
I think in 5 years time, the concept of insisting on ‘HIV negative’ certificate will become mandatory in Indian marriages.
So folks, before you go about bashing the directors of ‘thiruttu payale’ and ‘uyir’, watch out for what is happening in your neighborhood.
Also, parents are well advised not to go by just horoscope and family background (read status, commuity etc) alone. it all depends on that particular individual and so its better to find more about the person than the status labels he or she comes with.
In short, turbulent times ahead so better watch out.
And another interesting information. Almost all the major communities have their own matrimonial portal.
http://www.naidumatrimony.com
http://www.mudaliarmatrimony.com
http://www.chettiarmatrimony.com
http://www.devarmatrimony.com
http://www.saivaneri.org
Nadarmatrimony.org seems to be temporarily down.
Hmm. Idhukku onnum kuraichal illa!
August 28th, 2006 at 11:40 pm
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August 29th, 2006 at 12:48 am
aahaa PK ella kadhaiyum girls pathiye irukku. I demand equality, make sure the next post is all damaging the men
Illenaa maglir ani vandhu aarpaatam seivom, soleeten.
August 29th, 2006 at 5:48 am
WA :You can aswell blog,instead of getting around and commenting..Will you ?
August 29th, 2006 at 6:32 am
PK,
remember the recent incident in Pammal… where the girl went to the extent of killing her husband to elope with her lover…
idha ellaam padikkum bodhu… enakku romba bayamaa irukku…
August 29th, 2006 at 7:08 am
WA,
Guys pathi damaging aana matter kaalam kaalama padikarom dhaan.
i’ve always thought there is discrimination in the indian society but i’m seeing more than a few instances of reverse discrimination of late.
August 29th, 2006 at 7:09 am
WAWA,
adhu avanga sowgariyam ba!
August 29th, 2006 at 7:09 am
b a l a j i
seriousa!
August 29th, 2006 at 7:50 am
@
balaji, p.k,
nambikai thaan vaazhkai…
swami srikananthaasaraswathi..
August 29th, 2006 at 9:28 am
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August 29th, 2006 at 9:29 am
Seems u get so many experiences by ur own and through others….anyway best wishes n be careful:-)
August 29th, 2006 at 10:15 am
Idhu yaaruba wawa, naan blog pannumbodhu mattum comment panaamayaa irundhen? Adadaa idhu enna vambhaa irukku, non-bloggers ellam comment panna koodadhu edhavudhu sattam poda poreengala?
August 29th, 2006 at 10:58 am
romba feel panni ezhithirukeenga nu puriyudhu
so it is better to check out thoroughly before stepping into marriege…
you know what?it is better to be careful than sorry
when my sis was engaged to her CA husband, i ased her to sneak in on his wallet and check out if he has the membership card saying he is indeed CA….just to be doubly sure you know….
my parents thought i was being paranoid..we have checked they told me..
I was that scared….it is my sis’s life afterall…
well, but soemtimes all you have is trust..
and going blindly by the horoscope is a strict no-no..better to check up and then go ahead..
August 29th, 2006 at 11:20 am
srikanth,
nee ippove oru ponnai parthu settle ayidu:)
August 29th, 2006 at 11:21 am
shobana,
i’m shit scared u know!
August 29th, 2006 at 11:22 am
wa,
avanga unga rasigan/rasigai pola!
ungalai marupadi blog aramibikka thoondi vidaraanga!
August 29th, 2006 at 11:24 am
monu,
advice ku nandri ma!
August 29th, 2006 at 11:43 am
Hey,
Nice post! Definitely marriage is a thought procees that needs to be worked out at both ends of - groom and the bride!
August 29th, 2006 at 1:56 pm
Yeah, I have heard similar bad stories too.. Marriage as such (whether u are a guy or a girl) is a risky process.
But in all the above cases (which u cited), the problem could be have been prevented if only the groom and bride had talked before marriage and found out whether the consent is there.
August 29th, 2006 at 2:37 pm
enna panrathu PK…ippalan ponnungalum pasanga mari ayittanga
August 29th, 2006 at 7:36 pm
indian angel,
yeah! but lot of other factors and pl distort the picture grossly!
August 29th, 2006 at 7:38 pm
bindu,
actually i can’t find any rational reason for the girl to get married and then realise she’s in love with someone else.
i mean she is free to choose her life partner but spoiling some other person’s life is insane
August 29th, 2006 at 7:39 pm
karthik,
unga veetile nee daan last.. so its only a matter of time to start the process, if it’s not been started already!
August 29th, 2006 at 7:43 pm
pk,
is cinema a reflection of the society or society an imitation of the cinema? Looks like we have a bootstrapping effect going on here. turbulent times might be quite a mild word may be !!!!
August 29th, 2006 at 8:29 pm
enna PK veetla ponnu paarkaraangalaa ore thathuvams of south India va iruku….
enaku ennamo andha “wawa” vandhu WA nu thaan thonuthu….
August 29th, 2006 at 11:54 pm
You are right. We are going to be swept by western culture. The earlier part of your post reminded me of the american serial
Bold and beautiful- its a royal free for all.
August 30th, 2006 at 1:46 am
I think what needs is a change between the relationship between parents and kids….
its like our parents are still conservative, we want to think we are liberal and everything seems to be right for us…
looking positively, the next generation will have liberal parents and hence all these forcible marriages can hopefully be avoided…
August 30th, 2006 at 3:26 am
intha post eppo thevaya ella thevayaaaanu kekkaren>??
erkanave oru mannakattiyum nadakka maatenudhu,,,ithula intha kandraavi vera!!!
August 30th, 2006 at 4:39 am
WA :I didnt say non bloggers should not even comment.Am sorry if you’d inferred the otherway .All that we expect is that we miss your blogs,and please come back to blogging .
thats it..
August 30th, 2006 at 8:30 am
syam,
WAWA dhaan Wa va? ennamo crazy mohan dialogue madhiri irukku!!
August 30th, 2006 at 8:31 am
hiren,
its bewildering to even imagine!
August 30th, 2006 at 8:33 am
prabhu,
i dont want to say we r liberal and all. lets not get into labelling. But u r right in calling for a realignment in the parent-kid relationship.
too many conflicting requirements as such.
August 30th, 2006 at 8:34 am
karthik S
sorry miss panniten. i think this cinema vs soceity thingie is far too oversimplified by patti manram people.. seri idhai pathi oru post poduvom:D
August 30th, 2006 at 8:37 am
vijay,
Feel aaga vendaam…i know
August 30th, 2006 at 8:37 am
WAWA.
naan appove sonnen neenga WA voda periya visiri nu avanga kekkalai
;p
August 30th, 2006 at 9:36 am
Getting to know abt the person bfore marriage is all fine. But if the person has decided to act, irrespective of u take 6 months or 1 yr before marriage, u will never get to know abt the real face of the person.
I think this is the reason y even love marriages fail. They put up an act and only project good things in them. Or they never care abt bad things initially.
So its only FATE.
Manaivi/Manaalan amaivadhellaam iraivan kodutha varam.
August 30th, 2006 at 11:21 am
enna the kalacharam police kanum? avanga vandhu comments section-a oru kalakku kalappuvangal nu edhurparthen :((
August 30th, 2006 at 11:59 am
bottomline….if there is no commitment…..nothing will last….
be it anything
August 30th, 2006 at 12:39 pm
fathima,
love marriages yen fail agudu nu innoru post podalaam… i think the kind of fate the bachelor mentioned in the post would’ve been avoided if the guy and girl and talked to each other
August 30th, 2006 at 12:40 pm
ada-paavi,
neeye kuptu varamaa irunda seri!
August 30th, 2006 at 12:41 pm
karthik,
on the ohter hand some people r commited and determined to break away and unfortunatley like all determined efforts, they succeed
August 30th, 2006 at 1:20 pm
Forget about the murder story and other stories in general:
successfulla rendu peru irukanuma successfulla oru marriage irukanuma…
Success for a women and men are similar these days..and todays women have different definitions or paths to of success in general making them happy. Earlier women used to be contended and occupied just managing a large family and living within the norms..For the changing world..we women are still defining what we need to accomplish..Meanwhile men be warned that the girl can ‘also’ have a past just like men have..and a mind that can change just like the one men have…women had no choice for centuries now and very recently we have been given the choice…that too in very few families. Men always had and have the choice..in typical and most cases..So choose wisely.
There is always a person whom you love truly…one of the things in earlier generations was loving your spouse. That made the family system work..Nowadays it is for making that person you love your spouse…that it not still possible in many cases..hence the other cases of lying, divorce etc.
You got to live with these in changing world…Ana parents ellam innum pazhaiya ninaipulai irukanga..enna panna.
Pre marital sex, lying, child birth and divorce are all not just easy things girls would go through just for the thrill of it…esp in India where she is surrounded by conservative neighbours. Even in the US they have million counsellers for these..If there are so many instances the system needs some changes too.
August 30th, 2006 at 4:27 pm
aaha! Ippadi ellam nadaukkdha. kadavule kadavule!
August 30th, 2006 at 9:07 pm
priyums
exactly.
There requires some adjustments in the process, some recalibrations in expectations.
this is at a macro level.
but in these few specific instances, i would attribute to the mess to the girls irresponsible behavior.
i mean, u r free to live with anyone u want but dont trample on some other person’s life and shrug it off as ‘collateral damage’.
if only the same thing had been done by a guy, women wud’ve been up in arms…
now that these things are happening on the other side as well, we talk ‘changing times’ etc.
a behavior is irresposnible no matter who does it, right?
August 30th, 2006 at 9:08 pm
f e r r a r i,
jagradhai annathey, ambuttu dhaan solven!
August 30th, 2006 at 11:47 pm
Nice post
Arranged Marriage,Love Marriage ellam onnudhan. Silaper love pannittu vera kalyanam pannaranga
well I guess we are becoming a progressive society. Internet,sms,cellphones all aiding in this.
silaper kalyanamayittu apparama pudusa oruthara love pannaraga ore sikkal dhaan po. Kalikalam ba
Manaivi/Kanavan Amaivadhellam Iraivan Kodutha Varamnnu sollittu poga vendiyadhudhan.
PK bayabadtheenga unga nalla manasukku you will get the right person. Vaazthukkal.
August 31st, 2006 at 5:10 am
pethal. Para pethal. Adhu eppidi? Edhavadhu olaranum-nu mudivu pannitu olaruviya? Ille porandhadhulendhu ilaral thaana?
August 31st, 2006 at 6:27 am
PK… so pitharal yeduka arambichuducha…. Hmmm…… ipadi yellam bayanthu, kashtapattu, kalyanam pannikittu, rendu kuzhandaiyai pethukitu kudumbam nadatharathu oru periya sagasam…… Kottatum melam… ungalukku… Yellam avan mela barathai potudungo…
August 31st, 2006 at 7:47 am
ganesh,
yep vera vazhi illa!;)
August 31st, 2006 at 7:48 am
balaji sir,
kudumbam nadatharadhu rombo periya sadhanai daan unmaya.. neraya per panradhu naleye namakku adhoda arumai theriyaradhu illai:)
August 31st, 2006 at 8:01 am
Idhellaam kekumbodhu the recent story of my class teacher’s family informing the guests about the cancellation the night before the wedding seems a lot better.
Arranged marriage as such is a calculated risk, it has more to do with luck and adjustment than genuine design. Fine proof of business interests and prestige - just another Barter System.
We can conduct Hacking Courses for those matrimonial webmasters so that they can attack and bring down rival caste websites
August 31st, 2006 at 8:02 am
there is an extra ‘u’ in mudaliarumat… and chettiarumat… ~ must be copy-paste effect
August 31st, 2006 at 8:23 am
TTM,
absolutely. i totally go with u right from arranged marriage being calucated risk. its definitely a business case study what with finance, marketing, HR(ofcourse) implications.
i also felt like writing lets not these guys take this opportunity to hack websites of rival castes and bring jaadhi sandai to cyber world!! aprom edit panniten..:D
i edited the extra U too
August 31st, 2006 at 10:42 pm
Yup you are right. There is no right for anyone to cause damage to someones life or emotions…whether it is a guy or a girl and then justify it too. I was reading about harvard university education system etc..(”Excellence without a soul” by a Harvard Dean) he has some write ups at the end about how the university was finding it so hard to care for the girls protect them at the same time the girls were doing things to seduce men..and then blamed the society for not taking care of them..I dont want to say things explicitly..if u get a chance browse panni paru.
August 31st, 2006 at 11:45 pm
priyums,
will check out…
hm. pasanga ellam yen harvard poganumnu asai padraanga nu ippo theriyudhu
just kidding:)