‘If i run a business, I flout all laws to make it big, and indeed when I build en empire, I will be treated like King. Some saavvy film director would even make a movie based on my life’
- A successful businesssman
‘That’s what i did too. I ramped up resources and created a 50,000 strong workforce and suddenly i’m caught for something which is not even illegal in many parts of the world including an area in Mumbai’
- Kannada Prasad
Language: Thanglish
He1: Machi life a veruthu pochu da. Ekkachakka kadan. Indha loan andha loan nu egapattadhu aagi pochu. Ella card la yum vera thechachu. Visiting card ku kadan kudukaradhillai. Illena adhileyum vangiruppen. Mobile la friends eppo kupdaraan, kadankaaran eppo kupdaraan ne therila…
He2: Aandavan mela baarathai podu nu sollalaam na, unakku kadavul nambikkayum kedayadhu.
He1: Aama da, ithanai naal apdiye irundhutten, ippo dhideernu oru chinna kastam na udaney kovil kolam nu pona velila en image enna aguradhu? Adhaan yosanai.
He2: Enakku laam deiva nambikkai jasthi pa. Namakku mela oru sakthi irukundradha naan nambaren.
He1: Ennamo da. Elam seriya podium nu nenaikiren. Paapom. Nee vena un kadavul kitte en saarba vendikoyen? Enna agudhu paarpom!
—————
After some days, on a weekend.
He2: Machi innaiku enna panrey?
He1: Free dhaan yen? Edhuna cinema polaama?
He2: Illada Periya Paalayam polaam nu irukken. Neeyum variya? Va.summa poittu varlaam!
He1: Periya Palayama?anga ennada irukku?
He2: Periya Palayam Amman rombo famous da, theriyadha unakku?
He1: Seri epdiyum vettiya daan irukken. Neeyum aasai padare.. Vaa poittu varlaam..
On the way, in their bike.
He2: Machi inga oru vendudhal famous da.
He1: Enna da?
He2: Veppilai selai katturadhu!
He1: Veppilai la Selaya? Namba makkal ku oru vivasthaye kedayadhu da!
He2: Shoo! Apdi laam solla koodadhu! Aama, unnoda financial problems laam enna pannine?
He1: Hahaha adhu solve panniten la. Ella credit card loan ayum pudusa oru credit card ku transfer panninen. 3 months ku interest kedayadhu. Adhukulla ennoda home loan la top up facility eduthu andha credit card ayum close panniten. Ippo paaru, home loan rate of interest dhaan. No questions asked. Maasa maasam konjam konjama adachuttu varen. Peaceful!
He2: Naan Periya Palayathula vendikitten unakaaga, deivam kai vidalai…God is great!
He1 does not believe in all this, but he was glad he had one friend who was praying for him.
He1: Rombo thanks da. Kolgai alavile enaku udanbaadu illai naalum, I appreciate your guesture. Aama nee ennamo ‘Veppilai Selai’ nu edho vendudhal sonniye?
He2: Iru Iru aprom solren.
They reach temple. He2 takes He1 around the temple and to a corner. And then asks,
‘Seri un dress laam avuthu kudu’
He1: Dei! Yenda ipdi asingama pesura? Edhuku da? Naan aprom enna pottukaradhu?
He2: Adhai naan parthukaren.
He1: Ennathuku idellam?
He2: Adhaan sonnene da oru venduthal nu?
He1: (Maybe he2’s got some venduthal to do! But why he should remove his dress for his friend’s vendudhal!!) In the meanwhile He2 comes up with some neem leaves tied with some thread.
He1: Dei ennadhu da idhu?
He2: Evlo dhadavai solradhu vendudhal nu? Adhuku dhaan.. Vera dress illama udambile Idhai mattum kattikittu kovilai moonu dhadavai suthi varanum… neraya per pannuvaanga.
He1: Naan edhuku pannanum?
He2: Shoo, deiva kutham aydum. Ada, Kattu solren!
He1: Ennada aniyaayama irukku. Nee dhaaney vendikitte? Summa vedikkai parkaalaam nu vanden da naan! Naan edhuku idhai kattanum?
He2: Konja naal munnadi unakku rombo kadan thollai nu sonniya?
He1: Aama!
He2: Ippo ellam solve ayducha?
He1: Aama.. Kadan naan dhaan kattanum but prachnai illai. Interest rate kammi dhaan.
He2: Adhaan solren! Adhuku dhaan! Neeya solve pannine? Ellam amman arul da. Unakku un kadan thollai seri aachu na nee vandhu veppilai selai kattuve nu un saarba naan amman kitte vendikitten!!.
He1: Adangoyya! Idellam over da. Ipdi ethanai peru da kelambirkeenga! Ennai ipdi 2 piece la parkanum nu unakku evlo naala da aasai? Indha dress la Nameetha kooda nadika maatangale da!
He2: Dho paaru, ippo idhai nee pannalena deiva kutham agidum. Aprom kadan jasthi agidum, aprom adhai seri pannanumna Virudhunagar Mariamman kovilukku thaer izhukaren nu vendikanum.
He1: Ada paavi! oru mudivoda dhaan da vandhirukka da nee!! Aana andha virudhungar option parava illai da. Ellarum izhupaanga, namalum jollya kootathoda govindha podalaam. Ipdi 2 piece dress la suthi vara venaam!
He2: Thaer na andha thaer illada. Mudhugile kokki pottu munnadi nee nadakanum thaer pinnadi varum. Nee mattum dhaan izhukanum. Chinna thaer dhaan. Aana kayile agni chatti irukkum. Rendu option la edhu vasadhi nu neeye decide panniko.
He1 thinks about the travelling costs involved to go to Virudhunagar, and looks at his palm. He feels an itching sensation in his back. Reluctuantly he starts removing his clothes, all the while cursing himself and He2.
It can be a train, long distance bus or even a flight journey. But my preference has always remained the same in the past 30 years – Window seat. Somehow I am never tired of watching this world whizzing past me.
Till very recently that pleasure was denied while commuting to office, for I had to ride my bike. The glad news is that has been taken care now for the most part. Most of my daily office commute happens in the first class coach of our suburban train. Needless to say I’m enjoying it to the core. I specifically took a first class season ticket so that the probability of seeing the world through my window seat is more there.
On the other hand, it makes economic sense too. If I’d to commute the entire distance in my two-wheeler, I had to shell out about 1000 bucks per month - three much more than what I pay for my season ticket. Not to mention, the shoulder pain, back pain, stress, irritated mood, risks of injury that come along as freebies with bike rides.
For now, there’s nothing like a window seat journey - it’s sheer bliss.
For those who have a grumpy boss - chances are, your boss is riding his two-wheeler or worse, coming in his own car. Ask him to take a train if possible, my hunch is it will make your life much better at work!
Consider this,
1) If X buys his first house property for say, 25 lakhs. And lets assume he takes 20 lakhs as loan from some bank for a tenure of 20 years. The interest on borrowed capital will be 18000 Rs. per month(app). Unfortunately, the tax man will only write off a maximum of 1,50,000 as interest paid on borrowings for acquiring a house property. The rest wil be taxable.
Now,
2) If X buys his second house property for say, 35 lakhs. And lets assume he takes 20 lakhs as loan from some bank for a tenure of 20 years. The interest on borrowed capital will be 30,000 Rs. per month(app). Now, the tax man will write off the entire 30000 x12=3,60,000 as interest paid on borrowings for acquiring the second house. The only catch is some additional amount by way of notional value will be added to the amount chargeable to tax. One of the yardstick is ‘Annual Value’ as determined by the Municipal Corporation. As people might know, such valuations are ridiculously low. For eg. I may pay a rent of Rs.6000 per month but the annual value will be Rs. 6000 (pa ofcourse) in the corporation.
I think this is a glaring loophole. In this scenario, the person can conveniently occupy the house and declare a notional value of 12000 per annum. All while getting tax deductions for 30k-40k.
What I don’t understand is, why should the tax law be biased in favor of the relatively well off guy who buys a second house and be more restrictive on someone buying his first property?
The phone banking executive should have said ‘Hello’ a few times and decided to truncate the call! He dialed the phone banking number, standing outside the ATM.
The same ordeal started again. After dutifully pressing 1 and then and all other random numbers as directed by the IVR, he soon figured out he best way was to talk to phone banking executive yet again. So he dialed 9.
“Good morning sir, how may I help you.?” He was asked for his bank account number which stretched to 13 digits. Now, remembering 13 digits was always a challenge. He always had an old ATM transaction slip in his wallet for this purpose.
He was then asked for address confirmation blah blah.
And then he said, ‘I just want to know the balance in my account’
CC executive, ‘Sorry sir, for that you need to have your T-PIN number’
‘T-PIN number? What’s that?’
“Its telephone Personal identification number. If you don’t have one, we will help you generate a T-PIN of your own. Please hold the line sir”.
After some more Beep, Beeps, the girl asked him to enter a 6 digit number of his choice.
And then said, from now on he can check the balance over phone using that T-PIN number.
He decided to go back home. ‘Let me go home and try from my landline without any disturbance’ he thought. He came near home and tried recollecting the t-pin number that was just created but could not! That had already evaporated.
‘Not my day’, he thought.
When he came home, he was shocked to find the door being open.
His mom had already come, and what’s more had some cash and a pass book on the table. So she knew the balance and had withdrawn cash before he could without any of the paraphernalia that banks givenowadays! To add insult to injury, she was much more relaxed without any need to remember any arcane number and transaction.
He wanted to find out if his company offered a salary account in that old fashioned public sector bank. Enough of this crappy TPIN, IPIN and JPIN funda which was nothing but cognitive overload. Public sector banks operate from 8 to 8 nowadays. They offer a debit card but does not discourage you from approaching their branch office when needed. No Qs in front of their ATMs. No PINs, passwords, or tonnes of paper which we have to maintain for ever, lest we miss out on something. The more he thought about it, the more he liked it.
Save for NetBanking facility, nothing he had seen made any sense in this new age banking practices
If he had such a tough time handling all this, he just thought about his mother’s plight if at all he had to go abroad and his mom had to handle all the banking issues then.
Unless and until banks come up with a system which is easy to use yet safe and secure, there is no point fretting about T-PINs, Phone banking etc.
‘My old fashioned SBI, here I come’ he said to himself!
It was kind of a contest between Mom and Son. And it was with respect to the banks they deal with and how quick and easy it is to use.
Mom used a public sector bank for pension purposes whilst son depended on all the facilities that new age private sector banks provide.
It was the son who said this to his mom first, “Amma, vena onnu try pannuvom. Naan en bank la balance parthuttu paisa edukaren. Nee poi un aadhi gaala bank oda passbook entry potundu va. Yaar modalla varaa paapom?”
Mom was up to the challenge. “Seri paapom. Aana oru condition. Summa account operate panna selavu panna koodadhu? ” This was mom asking in her old fashioned, conservative way.
The son nodded. It was mutually decided to try it out on a bank business time. Both left home at the same time on a Monday morning at 10 AM. Son thought it was a no contest.
Mom, after all had to walk 500m before she even reached the bank while he would just hop on to the next ATM within 300 metres from home and be done with it in 10 minutes flat. He started from home by walk, only when he reached the nearby ATM did he realize that there can be a Q not only for train reservation but also for ATMs. There were a good 20 people standing in the Q. He figured out he would lose at least 30 minutes there. So he returned to his apartment, and started his bike. He had already lost 10 minutes. His next target was another ATM nearby. In 5 more minutes he would be in his spot. It was not his bank ATM but nevertheless he could withdraw money because of the VISA logo displayed there. Fortunately the ATM was relatively free. There were only 2 guys standing in front of him. Only then did he realize that while withdrawing cash was free in this ATM, he would be charged 50 Rs as transaction fee for finding out the balance. That was against the rule that mom had cleverly introduced about the ‘selavu’ factor.
While waiting for the guys in front a thought struck him, what if he calls the Phone Banking and find out his balance? That way, he will still have the cash and also the balance without losing much money!
He dialed the phone banking number from his mobile.
“Welcome to XXXXXX Bank Phone Banking. To continue in English, Press 1, Thamizhil ariya Enn 5 a dial seyyavum”
He dialed 1.
“ For banking related queries, press 1, for credit card queries press 5, for loans and …
He clearly was not interested in all this crap, he dialled 1 straightaway since finding the balance was a banking related query. But no, his bank’s IVR simply ignored him and went on about some other esoteric options in the phone banking system.
“BEEP”
“ other financial products press 33, for hot listing of your debit/credit cards press 8, for deposits, and other investments press 6. To talk to our phone banking executive please press 9”
Abba, he thought, let me talk to a sweet sounding female phone banking executive!
He dialed 9. But then by that time, he was the next to go inside the ATM. He put the phone in his pocket, and entered the ATM cabin to do the transaction. When he got hold of his money and double checked it to be the correct amount, he came out of the ATM, placed the mobile in his ear, and found the line dead!
Someone in blogosphere is teaching how to be ‘tongue-in-cheek’. So like any good student, let me try and learn it by a practical, hands-on approach.
The first lesson on your way to being tongue-in-cheek is to pass crude comments and make ridiculous generalisations.
The second lesson is to clearly state ‘to hell with being politically correct’ as some sort of disclaimer.
Also as if doing a big favour, one raider should be included which says there are always individual exceptions.
So, for the sake of learning this better, i am trying out an assignment of sorts.
Start meejik…
All those who live north of Vindhyas are ‘Beeda’ Saits.
‘Beeda’ Saits are obviously mentally retarded. And they keep proving that in blogosphere where they even have their own beedasaitpundit.com.
Those who do not cannot accept this basic fact suffer from some kind of insecurity.
And before i forget, it is hereby conveyed that I could not care less about being politically correct. And of course there are individual exceptions, but by and large I think people will agree with me.
Ah!, i’ve tried my assignment and i do not like it one bit.
So, to all intelligent, smart men and gorgeous women south of vindhyas, stay away from saitpundit.com and other tongue in cheek specialists.
‘A MANI RATNAM FILM’ tag is to commercial cinema what the 916 mark is to jewellery. One may or may not like the final product, but can be rest assured that the customer will not be taken for a ride. Here too, Mani delivers a decent film which does not insult the intelligence of the movie goer. Having said that, if a question arises about GURU being Mani’s finest or is an example of great cinema, the answer is, most certainly NO. This film too suffers from the trademark Mani Ratnam’s Dilute the theme for the sake of entertainment syndrome. But first, let’s look into the positives of GURU.
For me, the pillar of GURU is Abhishek. He has given a performance which is unlikely to be matched again in his career unless he works with Mani again. Very few actors in India are capable of getting in to the soul of the character they play with such ease. One could all but touch and feel Gurukanth Desai in this movie. His was a stupendous performance without any over acting. Another revelation was Mithunda. I dont remember the last time I saw him in a decent hindi movie and he has delivered a thorough performance in his role as an ageing newspaper publisher with his own philosophies.
Rajiv Menon’s thematic cinematography ensures the audience feel the meteoric ascent of Guru and the way he stabilizes in the later part. Rahman comes up with a brilliant background score in this movie. I am of the firm view that when it comes to BGMs, there is only one king - IR, but ARR’s contribution in this film was very impressive and he keeps improving in this department. And Mani should be credited with getting the best out of all these folks as only he can.
So does all this make GURU as great a film as was hyped about?
GURU is the story of a selfish businessman who makes it big. First, the director chooses not to explain why Guru is what he is through the situations in the film. And I don’t see if Gurukanth Desai is forced to deviate from the law of the land because of the circumstances or is just plain greedy. So when exactly does he decide to deviate from ethics and legalities? Does it happen after he gets rich or when he is struggling in his growing business? The grey shades of GURU is known to us mostly through dialogues, and acts by other characters. Clever film making it maybe, but like all cleverness it stands exposed at some point. Or maybe I should watch the film again, but at this point, I am of the view that the movie is deliberately vague on an aspect which is core to the story. The end result is, i could not empathize with the character as much as i would’ve liked to.
On the other hand, Mani packs in lots of situations in Guru’s personal life - his interactions with his father early on, his wife, friend and loyal supporters. The director deliberately draws as much parallel to real life Ambani saga as is possible without attracting lawsuits just to keep the attention of the audience. In other words its just one trick up Mani’s sleeve to keep the audience engrossed when there really is no pace in the movie. Not to mention songs, of which the ‘Mayya Mayya’ number stands out, thanks to Mallika Sherawat and Rajiv Menon’s camerawork. So all this, while entertaining, distracts and dilutes the core of GURU.
Aishwarya Rai does her best to act, but blame it on my prejudice, for me she is always a model who appears in movies, period. And what’s with that song ‘Barso Re’? I mean, its more than resembles an ad shoot. It’s as cliched a mani heroine intro sequence as one could possibly be.
Madhavan does a cameo but again nothing remarkable there too. And I could not really understand the need for Vidya balan’s character. Maybe I am not intelligent enough, but only Mani can explain the relevance of Vidya balan’s character and the love angle with Madhavan to the main story. My best guess is, he should’ve needed some prop to stop Guru from levelling scores with Madhavan, and so he has gone back to the old trick he used in Nayakan. Only this time its terribly worse. Can any of you imagine a Nayakan where Nasser is shown romancing with Kamal’s daughter? That Vidya balan’s character and the Madhavan romance eats up valuable screen time without adding anything significant to the storyline.
To come back to the brighter aspects, Guru still has the famous Mani Ratnam touches, for eg. the scene when Guru runs up the stairs with his friend before his journey to Mumbai, the sequence at the station when Ash joins Guru in the last minute, the Ash-Abhi bedroom scene, the scene when Mithunda makes his employee remove his clothes and last but not the least, Guru’s exchanges with the contractors. The director’s sensitivities remain intact or has only improved. If only he had a good screenplay writer, sigh!
To sum up, GURU is like one giant onion, a genetically modified onion perhaps. Like all onions, it comes with an interesting shape. And like all products of Mani Ratnam, scores high on the visceral impact at first glance, and scores adequately well on keeping the audience engaged during the three hours. But only when you try to see what’s inside it do you realise it’s after all an onion which only gets progressively smaller as you peel it.
You leave me speechless at times. Your concern for your homeland and patriotism gives me goose bumps. You are forever obsessed with anything and everything Indian – cricket, bollywood, kollywood, corrupt politicians, carnatic music, and everything else which one would associate with the word INDIA.
But somewhere in this love affair, you lose your objectivity. Your obsession for anything India gets transformed to a nit-picking campaign which you brilliantly blow up to ridiculous proportions. For example, if a kid gets lost in an Indian city even for a moment, for you that’s a sufficient enough evidence to conclude India is unsafe for children. Going by this logic, if an adult loses his way in an Indian city, I guess we should all conclude India is unsafe for adults too.
Every third post in your blog would be about the lack of discipline in Indian roads, the corrupt political system, the unscrupulous bureaucracy, the snail’s pace functioning of government departments etc. If only the rating agencies like Standard and Poor or Moody’s got a chance to read your blog, I guess India would be downgraded from ‘Sumaara Irukku’ to ‘Naasama Pochu’.
It is an irony that in this very nitpicking campaign, you betray the same Indian trait which you decry with all your heart among your resident brethren. I mean, you sit safely in a developed country and keep on gossiping about your underdeveloped motherland. How useful is that? Look at it in another way, you make a living in a foreign country and all but obsessed with your home country when you could do a lot to better your adopted country - typical Indian trait again.
We salute your love for India. But why don’t you show the same prudence and selfishness with which you decided to settle down in Amreeka or UK? I mean, devote sometime to worry about your own backyard. After all not everything is great there.
Have you ever cribbed in public about the inordinate delays in getting the coveted green card nowadays? I am sure some US government department is handling that too?
Why don’t you try to do something about the subtle racial discrimination you experience day in and day out, especially if you are in Europe?
Why don’t you work towards eradicating the gun culture in your US of A.
Most of my resident Indian friends who’ve been to the US have either heard or experienced first hand mugging instances, please do something about it. After all, that is much more dangerous than the fleecing auto-driver or the saavu dance amidst traffic jam in Chennai.
I also heard your White House is killing young American soldiers in the name of war while your President’s family and the notorious terrorist’s family are striking oil deals in the Middle East. I’m sure your blood boils when you read this. Please share some of your anger and agony with us through your blog.
The plight of an average resident Indian is not very different from the plight of the programmer who has to maintain a COBOL code written 35 yrs ago with a sev. 1 issue. We crib and complain because it’s tough to wade through a vast history, but yeah we can sort of handle it. You decided this was not worth your time and chose the easy way out. Fine, we respect your prudence and the premium you place on your time. Unlike you, we pay our taxes here. We’ve lived here all along and know how things work, with or without you and your cribbing.
If you still find India is getting on to your nerves, please stay where you are. I mean why
get into a country which is run by criminals and where the citizens are third rate when you have your place secure in paradise aka USA?
Just one friendly advice, don’t venture into your notorious troubled neighborhood during odd hours; you might lose your way for ever. But otherwise Amreeka is heaven, we know.