Comments on: Old age homes - necessary evil? http://expertdabbler.com/2007/12/29/old-age-homes-necessary-evil/ Rombo nallavan Mon, 21 May 2012 18:51:45 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.2.1 By: Puneet Gupta http://expertdabbler.com/2007/12/29/old-age-homes-necessary-evil/#comment-108236 Puneet Gupta Thu, 22 Jul 2010 07:25:28 +0000 http://expertdabbler.com/2007/12/29/old-age-homes-necessary-evil/#comment-108236 Hey how one can think sending the parents to the old age home . they have taken care of u fropm ur birth till they are. They provided u all the facilities. Now we may be any one may be any position because of them only we have achieved thios position . Hey how one can think sending the parents to the old age home . they have taken care of u fropm ur birth till they are. They provided u all the facilities. Now we may be any one may be any position because of them only we have achieved thios position .

]]> By: Shreerajavel http://expertdabbler.com/2007/12/29/old-age-homes-necessary-evil/#comment-33481 Shreerajavel Tue, 05 Feb 2008 08:34:05 +0000 http://expertdabbler.com/2007/12/29/old-age-homes-necessary-evil/#comment-33481 Hey how one can think sending the parents to the old age home . they have taken care of u fropm ur birth till they are. They provided u all the facilities. Now we may be any one may be any position because of them only we have achieved thios position . They have spent most of their life in our happiness only. If we leave them in the old age home then what we have done to them .See, what we r doing today to our parents will be done by our childrens also to us.If u want to live alone just purchase one house and give to them. Don,t send them to old age homes. Because it is not the way we are repaying them . Hey how one can think sending the parents to the old age home . they have taken care of u fropm ur birth till they are. They provided u all the facilities. Now we may be any one may be any position because of them only we have achieved thios position . They have spent most of their life in our happiness only. If we leave them in the old age home then what we have done to them .See, what we r doing today to our parents will be done by our childrens also to us.If u want to live alone just purchase one house and give to them. Don,t send them to old age homes. Because it is not the way we are repaying them .

]]> By: prabukarthik http://expertdabbler.com/2007/12/29/old-age-homes-necessary-evil/#comment-31624 prabukarthik Tue, 01 Jan 2008 10:22:29 +0000 http://expertdabbler.com/2007/12/29/old-age-homes-necessary-evil/#comment-31624 monu Guess i spoke to you over phone and there ends the issue :D WA ahaa.. welcome welcome! ennoda observation+experience.. it depends on the person.. i know one friend's mom in CBE. Both her sons are in the US, her daughter is in UK but she is able to handle things by herself in cbe. I have to admire her strength.. ut ellarukkum adha confidence irukaadhu.. Same goes for security issues too. You can barely manage if you live in a flat. But individual houses are definitely watched upon and attacked when its known that the 50+(seri old people illai) are living all alone. monu
Guess i spoke to you over phone and there ends the issue :D

WA
ahaa.. welcome welcome!
ennoda observation+experience.. it depends on the person.. i know one friend’s mom in CBE. Both her sons are in the US, her daughter is in UK but she is able to handle things by herself in cbe. I have to admire her strength.. ut ellarukkum adha confidence irukaadhu.. Same goes for security issues too. You can barely manage if you live in a flat. But individual houses are definitely watched upon and attacked when its known that the 50+(seri old people illai) are living all alone.

]]> By: WA http://expertdabbler.com/2007/12/29/old-age-homes-necessary-evil/#comment-31623 WA Tue, 01 Jan 2008 10:19:50 +0000 http://expertdabbler.com/2007/12/29/old-age-homes-necessary-evil/#comment-31623 Also if she is new to Chennai, I guess her support network must be wherever she lived before moving to the big bad city. Maybe she would be happier living there when you are away, being in familiar surroundings might make her feel secure when you are away. Also if she is new to Chennai, I guess her support network must be wherever she lived before moving to the big bad city. Maybe she would be happier living there when you are away, being in familiar surroundings might make her feel secure when you are away.

]]> By: WA http://expertdabbler.com/2007/12/29/old-age-homes-necessary-evil/#comment-31622 WA Tue, 01 Jan 2008 10:15:54 +0000 http://expertdabbler.com/2007/12/29/old-age-homes-necessary-evil/#comment-31622 PK - Just one thing which came to mind whilst I was reading your post, 50+ not old. Sounds like she is in a new city, maybe if she made friends locally, found herself part of the community, your mum might be comfortable staying on her own when you are away travelling. Maybe a reliable stay at home maid might be an idea too, not that any of these are gonna solve the issue totally, but strongly feel that 50 something is not old. My mum who is couple of years older than your mum, would probably be offended if I told her she was old :) PK - Just one thing which came to mind whilst I was reading your post, 50+ not old. Sounds like she is in a new city, maybe if she made friends locally, found herself part of the community, your mum might be comfortable staying on her own when you are away travelling. Maybe a reliable stay at home maid might be an idea too, not that any of these are gonna solve the issue totally, but strongly feel that 50 something is not old. My mum who is couple of years older than your mum, would probably be offended if I told her she was old :)

]]> By: monu http://expertdabbler.com/2007/12/29/old-age-homes-necessary-evil/#comment-31608 monu Tue, 01 Jan 2008 06:10:33 +0000 http://expertdabbler.com/2007/12/29/old-age-homes-necessary-evil/#comment-31608 Pk, i clearly mentioned in my comment that my parents take trips where there are other people, sort of like arranged tourrs with family memebers...they have gone for two tours so for....and for both they travleled with minimum 80 people with good arrangement...and either family/family firends with them..people in their own age group.... i made sure my mom carries her mobile and kept in touch...there was no need for me to accompany them...and if there was, i would the only thing stopping the feaasibility of taking your prents abroad, according to me is money....most parents woudl like to travel once and may be once they have lived abroad, they may tire of it...but the first trip will be exciting... right?? the trips i mentioned where in the light of teh fact that once children are old enough, parents no longer need to be with then always to care for them...like for instance before my sis got married my parents would leave the two of us and go for short tours....remember these are tours , not travel to stay for some time in some place.. once my sis got married, my parents didnt want to leave me alone at home...so after my marriage, they were free to travel...simply because there was no more jewellery to guard or a girl all alone to be worried about.... @vatsan where exactly did i say that girls do not have responsibility of their parents once they are married? i only said that once the girls are married off , the parents dont have to worry about leaving the girl alone and are free to travel....please refer my reply to PK... it has long been dead, the thougtht that girls will not/can not take care of their paretns.. just an example..my dad recently had an operation, at 5 months pregnancy, i stayed in my mom's place, my sis came over and we both managed the home while my mom made trips to the hospital... their(my parents) medical insurance is covered in my salary and i live pretty nearby to them to rush when need be... and when my mom travels, my dad stays over at my place and i take good care of him... i dont know where you got the idea from....lets apply the travel thought to PK(PK chosen as he happnes to be a guy). Lets say that PK's mom wants to go on a 15 day pilgrimage on a planned tour and is travelling with friends/relatives, so theres no need for PK to accompany her..and lets assume that PK doesnt know to cook...then the fact that PK will not be getting good food will hinder PK's mom from travelling... but if he were married and his wife knows cooking , she woudlnt worry and carry on , right? same scenario for a girl post marriage..parents dont have to worry about leaving her alone or some such.... hope i made myself clear..makes me real irritated to see my thoughts mis-understood....honestly..i dont think just because i am a girl, i dont have to take care of my parents...where did i say that???? boy/girl has that responsibility..... Pk,
i clearly mentioned in my comment that my parents take trips where there are other people, sort of like arranged tourrs with family memebers…they have gone for two tours so for….and for both they travleled with minimum 80 people with good arrangement…and either family/family firends with them..people in their own age group…. i made sure my mom carries her mobile and kept in touch…there was no need for me to accompany them…and if there was, i would

the only thing stopping the feaasibility of taking your prents abroad, according to me is money….most parents woudl like to travel once and may be once they have lived abroad, they may tire of it…but the first trip will be exciting…
right??

the trips i mentioned where in the light of teh fact that once children are old enough, parents no longer need to be with then always to care for them…like for instance before my sis got married my parents would leave the two of us and go for short tours….remember these are tours , not travel to stay for some time in some place..
once my sis got married, my parents didnt want to leave me alone at home…so after my marriage, they were free to travel…simply because there was no more jewellery to guard or a girl all alone to be worried about….

@vatsan
where exactly did i say that girls do not have responsibility of their parents once they are married? i only said that once the girls are married off , the parents dont have to worry about leaving the girl alone and are free to travel….please refer my reply to PK…

it has long been dead, the thougtht that girls will not/can not take care of their paretns..

just an example..my dad recently had an operation, at 5 months pregnancy, i stayed in my mom’s place, my sis came over and we both managed the home while my mom made trips to the hospital… their(my parents) medical insurance is covered in my salary and i live pretty nearby to them to rush when need be…

and when my mom travels, my dad stays over at my place and i take good care of him…

i dont know where you got the idea from….lets apply the travel thought to PK(PK chosen as he happnes to be a guy). Lets say that PK’s mom wants to go on a 15 day pilgrimage on a planned tour and is travelling with friends/relatives, so theres no need for PK to accompany her..and lets assume that PK doesnt know to cook…then the fact that PK will not be getting good food will hinder PK’s mom from travelling…
but if he were married and his wife knows cooking , she woudlnt worry and carry on , right?
same scenario for a girl post marriage..parents dont have to worry about leaving her alone or some such….

hope i made myself clear..makes me real irritated to see my thoughts mis-understood….honestly..i dont think just because i am a girl, i dont have to take care of my parents…where did i say that????

boy/girl has that responsibility…..

]]> By: prabukarthik http://expertdabbler.com/2007/12/29/old-age-homes-necessary-evil/#comment-31607 prabukarthik Tue, 01 Jan 2008 05:25:04 +0000 http://expertdabbler.com/2007/12/29/old-age-homes-necessary-evil/#comment-31607 vatsan, I agree. Taking mom everywhere i go does not sound feasible nor sensible. My father never took me to his office just because i cried and wanted to go with him in his scooter. That does not mean my father hated me. If mom is willing, and if its feasible, i don't have any issues in taking mom to a foreign country. What if that's not the case? vatsan,

I agree.
Taking mom everywhere i go does not sound feasible nor sensible.

My father never took me to his office just because i cried and wanted to go with him in his scooter.
That does not mean my father hated me.

If mom is willing, and if its feasible, i don’t have any issues in taking mom to a foreign country.
What if that’s not the case?

]]> By: vatsan http://expertdabbler.com/2007/12/29/old-age-homes-necessary-evil/#comment-31589 vatsan Tue, 01 Jan 2008 03:06:24 +0000 http://expertdabbler.com/2007/12/29/old-age-homes-necessary-evil/#comment-31589 @monu Monu I think your comment reflects your naivity. first of all the parents should be willing to travel to the USA. i know numerous old people who consider living in the US similar to being jailed. Secondly, if girl whom PK gets married to also might have old parents to look after. From your comment i get the impression that you somehow believe girl children are absolved of the responsibility of looking after their parents. Monu its alright to be idealistic that one wont leave parents at old age homes etc, but ultimately pragmatism rules. Sango, its a question of choice. what if parents prefer old age homes to living in the US? Old age homes which treat them with comfort, which cost a bomb/month, say 30-40grand/month, aircon,tv, cook, dietitian, etc. parents can still retain their freedom, but will be taken care of. the idea is that in the case of a medical emergency there is someone who will administer the primary medical care. I know old people who live in alone here, and how worried their children are largely because they refuse to live outside india. if they were in an old age home, they would be better taken care of. Sango, I think you should get down from your idealistic high-horse and view the issue with a more pragmatic view. Please dont let visu movies affect your vision of old age homes. @monu

Monu I think your comment reflects your naivity. first of all the parents should be willing to travel to the USA. i know numerous old people who consider living in the US similar to being jailed. Secondly, if girl whom PK gets married to also might have old parents to look after. From your comment i get the impression that you somehow believe girl children are absolved of the responsibility of looking after their parents. Monu its alright to be idealistic that one wont leave parents at old age homes etc, but ultimately pragmatism rules.

Sango,
its a question of choice. what if parents prefer old age homes to living in the US? Old age homes which treat them with comfort, which cost a bomb/month, say 30-40grand/month, aircon,tv, cook, dietitian, etc. parents can still retain their freedom, but will be taken care of. the idea is that in the case of a medical emergency there is someone who will administer the primary medical care. I know old people who live in alone here, and how worried their children are largely because they refuse to live outside india. if they were in an old age home, they would be better taken care of. Sango, I think you should get down from your idealistic high-horse and view the issue with a more pragmatic view. Please dont let visu movies affect your vision of old age homes.

]]> By: prabukarthik http://expertdabbler.com/2007/12/29/old-age-homes-necessary-evil/#comment-31560 prabukarthik Mon, 31 Dec 2007 14:19:09 +0000 http://expertdabbler.com/2007/12/29/old-age-homes-necessary-evil/#comment-31560 Sango, I agree, but what i dont agree is the notion that the very act of putting an old age person in a home is always construed as a cruel act. I know a lot of people who use their parents as baby sitters. That is as much driven by selfishness as those tho put the elders in old age home bcos they see them as nuisance. I too prefer to have my mom wherever i go, the point is, what should one do if that's not feasible on some situations. Sango,

I agree, but what i dont agree is the notion that the very act of putting an old age person in a home is always construed as a cruel act. I know a lot of people who use their parents as baby sitters. That is as much driven by selfishness as those tho put the elders in old age home bcos they see them as nuisance.

I too prefer to have my mom wherever i go, the point is, what should one do if that’s not feasible on some situations.

]]> By: prabukarthik http://expertdabbler.com/2007/12/29/old-age-homes-necessary-evil/#comment-31559 prabukarthik Mon, 31 Dec 2007 14:08:42 +0000 http://expertdabbler.com/2007/12/29/old-age-homes-necessary-evil/#comment-31559 Monu, As much as i like to, its not feasible most of the times. one of those things which is better said than done. Some of my friends parents go to US for 6 months in a year, but still that leaves them 6 months away from their kids. Let me ask you this question - ever since you got married, how many days have you gone with your parents for trips,tours within India? Ofcourse everyone loves to see places but that's beside the point. This is not to suggest i am picking you, i am just trying to point out its not feasible - even within India. I dont mind getting married, but at this point in my life, i am not as keen as i was sometime back. Also, a lot of people assume that me getting married will make things comfortable for my mom. I dont want to jump to that conclusion blindly. There are lots of Ifs and buts. Monu,

As much as i like to, its not feasible most of the times. one of those things which is better said than done. Some of my friends parents go to US for 6 months in a year, but still that leaves them 6 months away from their kids.
Let me ask you this question - ever since you got married, how many days have you gone with your parents for trips,tours within India? Ofcourse everyone loves to see places but that’s beside the point. This is not to suggest i am picking you, i am just trying to point out its not feasible - even within India.

I dont mind getting married, but at this point in my life, i am not as keen as i was sometime back. Also, a lot of people assume that me getting married will make things comfortable for my mom. I dont want to jump to that conclusion blindly. There are lots of Ifs and buts.

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