The agony of being agony uncle :)
I was in a very serious conversation with my friend Gopi y’day night and I get a call in my mobile. A person in distress. She is going through some relationship issues.
When you get an unusual call in your mobile after 12 AM, its not going to make you happy.
Agony calls can be gratifying or can be total crap - depending on the time of the call, the mood i am in, the way he or she responds to me.
For e.g Say, X is complaining about her lover. What am i supposed to do? I cannot say bad things about the guy because he is her lover. I cannot say good things as well because she is already angry with him. I cannot advice X because she would never listen in that situation anyway. I cannot talk to X’s lover because its their personal problem. It almost always boomerangs on the madhyastham party.
Here are some fundamental truths about agony aunt calls - what you say doesn’t matter. The person would’ve invested so much emotional energy into his situation that no matter what you say, he’s gonna look through his tainted glasses ever more closely.
I’ve had instances when people had called me at 3 AM in the morning just to vent their frustrations and emotional turmoil.
Now that very person did not have the time to call me when he was leaving the country for good. Nor is he in touch 
Nowadays I follow a strategy with these calls. I can size up if this conversation will be of any good to the person in quick time.
If he or she can respond to me and I could really relate to his or her plight, i carry on.
Otherwise, i start arguing with them. They quickly realize there are worse people in this world than their lovers [”Indha saniyanukku namba saniyane thevalai”] and perhaps this very thought comforts them in way which cannot be expressed. I save a lot of time for better things as well
All said and done, truly listening to someone is a tough job. It just doesn’t get any easier at 3 AM. And you really have to stop short of going to a therapist yourself when you get treated like shit by that very same person
Its a good experience anyways. From a purely selfish standpoint, I know that I am not alone with problems.
May 3rd, 2008 at 12:33 am
PK, unga phone no irukku en kitta
May 3rd, 2008 at 8:40 am
Im listening. !
May 3rd, 2008 at 8:40 am
Go On !!
May 3rd, 2008 at 9:15 am
f e r r a r i,
ungalukkuma prachnai?
keethi,
thanks man
May 3rd, 2008 at 11:17 am
PK I was in a conference recently where I learnt something interesting:
God has given us 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason.. Use it in the same ratio. Interesting I thought.
Words like ‘Hmm’…’I understand’, ‘I’d do the same’, ‘Things will change’, ‘That is life’, ‘Calm down’, ‘Sky isn’t falling’ etc..( examples)…can be used…without saying much.
The best I felt was ‘Hmmm’, ‘Hmmm’, keep doing it..as the other person vents the feelings.
PK - I have 3 girls around me in my life…my wife and 2 daughters. Life has taught me the meaning of the word ‘HMMM’.,..rather than wasting words.
May 3rd, 2008 at 4:25 pm
3 am konjam… illa, romba over aa irukke.
mavane, enaku mattum andha nerathula evanavadhu pannattum.. nejamaana distress uruvaakiduven.
May 3rd, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Ipdi pulambaravangala mudinja varai freeya vidunga. Illana namma time dhan waste aagum. Ellam anubhavathula solradhu dhan.
May 5th, 2008 at 9:00 am
NV sir,
neengalavadhu parava illai. you have to say ‘hmm..’ to your loved ones!.
en kadhaye vera
May 5th, 2008 at 9:00 am
chakra,
koodiya seekiram ungalayum yaaravadhu kupduvaanga
May 5th, 2008 at 9:01 am
PB
welcome back..
yeah.. i am working on it.. modhalla irundhadhuku ippo parava illai
I try to close the conversation quickly and smoothly..
May 5th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
hehe… glad to know another agony uncle exists in the people i know.
high-five machi!
May 5th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
No wonder the Agony Aunt/Uncle columnists in magazines/ counselors earn better than most of us! Its a tough job!
May 6th, 2008 at 2:31 am
arun,
unakku idhile oru sandosham
May 7th, 2008 at 2:37 am
PK,
This reminds me of a Vivek joke. The girl’s mama (UNCLE
threatens vivek (Guy’s Mama) that he will hit him if there is even a small fight between the couple.
Parthu Thalaiva.
Even I used to get calls which runs into 3 to 4 hours during the day time. Gets overtime (one in 100 words) over weekends. Nice to see one more person in my club.
May 9th, 2008 at 5:02 am
Doi.. I called you at 3 today and you didn’t pick up.. you you.. where the hell are you man..
:)
3 am konjam over thaan..
May 10th, 2008 at 12:37 am
AAR.
you too?
Gopi,
Ennai night 3 am ku koopitavanukku love prachnai da..
Naanum neeyum dhaan idhukellam appaarpatavanga la