ExpertDabbler

I saw a post by Subhashini, commented there, and the train of thoughts led me to this one. It might even seem contradictory to what i commented there in the first instance but i guess its not.

A conversation between me and my friend (something i already referred in my post on New Year’s eve)

My friend: Dei innaiku evening GRT Temple Bay polaam variya?

Me: Hmm.. evlo ticket?

My Friend: 3500 rupees

Me: What?? Enna velayadariya? naan varalai! 3500 laam over da. Edhuku paisa vai waste panre?

My Friend:
Ennai vera enna panna solre? See naan innaiku pogalai nu vechukko, veetla thaniya dhaan irukkanum! Evening TV la ‘Vasool Raja MBBS’ poduvaan adhai dhaan parthutu ambo nu irukanum.. (He is a bachelor and lives alone in his apartment).
Adhaan varushathile ella naalum adhai dhaaney panren. atleast i have company today. Also, mitha edangal la ’stags’ allow panave maaataan! (stags - single men). idhukaaga naan udanadiya figure correct panna mudiyadhu!. Nee varalai na freeya vidu.. naan poren..

Fact:
If it was just 100 or 200 bucks, i would have gone with my friend for the sake of company. I think its ‘reasonable’ to spend 100 or 200 bucks today. In my perception, its no big deal for the sake of my friend. So, with a close friend, an act which I would not do alone is suddenly ok.
But spending 3500 bucks for a New Year party - I am way too middle class in brought up for that. My mom would say “3500 rupees ku veetu maligai saaman vangina oru maasam saapidalaam!! which is very true indeed. Thats the product of the environment I was brought up!

My friend on the other hand, earns much more than I do. For him, 3500 Rupees has probably less than half the value it has for me. “One way flight journey from Chennai to Coimbatore da! Thats all!!” he would say.

What’s more, he finds the loneliness on New Year’s eve unbearable. I would gladly be all alone for 3500 rupees any day.

If the same guy was brought up in Mylapore, maybe he would have just gone to Kabali Temple and returned home with the same happiness when he returned from GRT temple bay eventually.

In contrast, what people would probably do in Las Vegas on New Year’s eve would be of completely different league

The same goes for people who pay 500 Rupees for a movie ticket in Diwali. A person like me would never do that. But probably in the other person’s environment, opting to miss out on Diwali release First Day First Show for the sake of saving 500 bucks is an unpardonable sin. (kaasu innaiku varum, naalaiku pogum, innaiku selavu panalena mattum namba panjam theera pogudha?….indha occasion pochuna thirumba kedaikuma?? would be the justification)

There were days when i thought spending 50 rupees for a movie was bad! Now the same person sees movies in theatres like Satyam where popcorn alone costs minimum 20 bucks.

A lot of clubs would allow only couples to enter their dance halls (My mom would say ‘ Enna kandraavi da!’ for this). Some hotels allow two guys with one girl (I honestly do not know what my mom would say if only she knew about this!). The clubs have their own reasons and so does my mom.

As much as we can argue on this topic, at the end of the day, we are always a product of our environment. We grab some properties or attributes from the environment we were brought up, the environment we live now, the environment our friends/partners are from, the environment we can afford etc. and make a spectrum out of it. If a lot of people have primarily the same spectrum as we do, then we are ‘in’, less frequently, we are deviants - either ‘too conservative’ or ‘too liberal’, and in rare cases, an outcast.

What is ‘cheap’ in one spectrum is considered ‘economical’ in another. What is ‘kandraavi’ for person X is seen as ‘liberal’ or ‘modern’ by Y. Your broadmindedness may be seen as something else by another person.

Even with the same person, it changes from time to time. For example, I want 4 idlies on my plate, with 4 different types of hot chutnies for 6 rupees when I go to ‘paati kadai’ in coimbatore. I dont mind the less than average cleanliness and seating arrangements there. Personally, i like this the best.

The same person is willing to give 30 bucks for the Sambhar Idly in Saravana Bhavan. Here i am more particular about the seats, the cleanliness etc. So those who prefer this are not idiots.

So who is right and who is wrong? I guess there are no absolute right or wrong attached to it.
As the dialogue goes in ‘Hey Ram’ “Oru Nariya irundhu partha dhaan adhoda nyaayam puriyum”.

Thats one reason why I might choose not to do certain things but i do not have any issues if my friends do it. This is a recent change in me.

The ‘right’ is to be more exposed to people from different backgrounds and try to see things from different perspectives. The more diverse the properties we take from different environments, the better and more interesting will be our spectrum.

The ‘wrong’ would be to stick to one’s own way of living from birth till death and think that everybody else is either stupid or criminals or both. Those who do that are no different from the Taliban.

I’ve been thinking a lot on this issue. And honestly i don’t have a clear answer.
Time and again, i’ve been asked this question,”Eppo long term onsite porey?” by a lot of folks. The truth has always been that i am not too keen because i had absolutely no clear answer as where would my mother live if and when i travel abroad.

Here i am living in this Singara Chennai for the past 5+ years with my mother. She is about 54 and hardly what one would call educated. The chances of my mom managing all alone in this monstrous city is as high as an innings victory over Australia in Australia.

There is a school of thought which vehemently opposes old age homes. How dare a child banish his or her parents in old age homes? How selfish can somebody get? Is it not the responsibility of the child to take care of her parents at the time when they absolutely need him/her? All valid points without doubt.

On the other hand, there is a growing breed of nuclear families and single child families. And in cases like mine, with no father around, it gets all the more sensitive and challenging.

Does this mean i should say NO to all travel requirements just because i cannot leave my mother alone in this city? If NO, for how long can i stall travel? Travel is a necessary part of any IT professional. Having a B1 alone makes one more employable.

One can request relatives and thankfully my uncle has been of great help in this regard so far. But honestly, that is more like english medicine, it works only for a shorter time frame. In general, and there are always exceptions, the longer one stays in a relative’s house, the messier it gets.

Three years back, i would’ve blindly opposed the concept of old age homes. Nowadays i am much more circumspect. I guess this is were the communication between the children and parents becomes critical. I would tend to think just the very act of sending a parent to old age home per se is neither good nor bad, but the intentions might as well be the deciding factor.

I can as well make my mother stay in my own place. But how secure is our city for old people staying all alone?

Which is worse - leaving someone all alone or putting in an old age home where at least there are people around?

Or switch professions completely and start some business?

Again no clear answers but very important questions, atleast to me.

I was browsing through one article by Gurumurthy. The writer begins in a manner which will hook any reader – yes the infamous, immortal Khushboo episode gets the first line. Then he goes on about how amoral sweden as a society is and how their family system and the country as a whole has suffered because of that.

The problem with people like Gurumurthy is that they have selective amnesia. And they forget that, a society does not decide like ‘Hey it’s 2007, so lets try to be like Sweden for a change’. No, it doesn’t work that way. A society moves from one set of practices to another for some reasons. It’s a slow long drawn process depending on environmental, economical and a host of other factors. So India will not become a Sweden in the foreseeable future. When it does, it will have its own reasons. So the only reason to cite Sweden in his article is to paint a scary picture to the readers. Never mind that we, like all cultures had a past with some glorious and some not so glorious practices which Gurumurthy will conveniently forget.

Also, since when did morality became equated to virginity and pre-marital sex alone?
According to the dictionary.com
Morality
Noun
1. concern with the distinction between good and evil or right and wrong; right or good conduct [ant: immorality]
2. motivation based on ideas of right and wrong [syn: ethical motive] Will Gurumurthy dare to compare Sweden and India on other moral issues/ behavior like law and order, corruption and caste discrimination, etc?

The actress that Gurumurthy talks about is running a peaceful family with her husband and 2 kids. She has made Chennai her home land and tamil her language even though she is originally from North India. As far as the general public knows, she has not spoilt anybody’s life by her acts and deeds.

On the other hand Gurumurthy, who essentially deals with the country’s elite for business purposes, would do well to look around his own friends, find the number of people who screw around, people treat their parents and wives and children badly, who think muscle and money power can do anything in India and give them a lesson on morality. That’s a more honest attempt to make this country a better place than all the gyaan on Sweden.